What I’ve Learned After 200 Random Coffees
04 Dec 2023
Many of us have been on first dates. For the first 10 minutes, it’s usually awkward, but then you find common topics to discuss, share a few jokes, and enjoy a coffee. As a result, you have a great time and learn something new. Even if you don’t plan to see that person again, it’s still a valuable experience.
Random Coffees are quite similar. You meet with a stranger, perhaps through your company’s random coffee program, an online community, or a mobile app. You have an hour to talk about anything you want: careers, sports, books, films, dogs, or even relationships.
And the best thing is, it’s periodic—once a week, for example. This lets you meet a ton of new people and establish a wonderful habit.
Why I Started Doing Random Coffees
I began participating in Random Coffees four years ago when I was a Junior Machine Learning Engineer at a small company. I realized that to advance professionally, I needed to hone my listening and communication skills. And as they say, the best way to learn is by doing. Random Coffees became my method of choice. I signed up for the activity within a professional community.
I can still recall my first Random Coffee—it was with an ML Engineer from Snapchat. Over the course of an hour, we discussed the latest ML technologies, the inner workings of big tech companies, interview strategies, and a wide array of other topics. He even suggested I apply for their trainee program—something I never got around to doing, of course.
After the call, I felt completely energized and motivated to improve as a professional. From that moment, I began to engage in Random Coffees with more or less consistency—certainly with greater regularity than my dating life.
I’ve met numerous fascinating individuals from various firms, including Google, Microsoft, JetBrains, Yandex, and many more. Our conversations ranged over a multitude of topics, from technology to travel and art.
Once, I talked to a person who, years earlier, had encouraged me in a chat to share my code with the world. He didn’t remember it, but for me, it was a significant moment.
What I Learned
Naturally, I’ve picked up insights on some new technologies and ML papers, but that isn’t the heart of what I’ve gained. From these meetings, I’ve learned something far more important: how to engage in open communication with others, overcome shyness during first-time interactions, and keep conversations flowing even when topics seem scarce. These are skills you can’t lean from books – they only come with practice.
This experience has been valuable during job interviews and in my daily life. It’s now much easier for me to make a phone call addressing a problem with my documents or to initiate a chat with a fellow dog owner on a walk.
Certainly, the first calls were challenging, especially when the person on the line was shy or having a bad day. I’ve had calls where the other person was so unresponsive that getting any understandable answer felt impossible. Yet, it’s exactly these situations that provide the richest lessons.
After one of those extremely hard calls, where the person couldn’t share even two words, I ended up exhausted and soaked in sweat. The lesson I learned from that conversation: sometimes it’s best to end things early.
How to Maximize the Benefits
But my greatest advise is: just show up. This way sooner or later you will became better at this ancient skill of communicating.
To begin with, simply show up. Don’t constantly reschedule or ignore the other person. Better yet, take the initiative and reach out first. And do it consistently. Aiming for a weekly meetings is ideal.
Once you’re more accustomed to the process, spend 15 minutes researching the other person’s LinkedIn or Instagram profiles. This preparation will help you find potential conversation starters. For example, discovering that the individual enjoys skydiving can lead to a great topic of conversation.
Additionally, prepare some general questions to ask everyone you meet. My go-to question is, “What’s the best book you’ve read ever?” As an constant reader, I often find myself in a twenty-minute discussion about literature alone.
Make notes about each person you meet. Maybe it is a little creepy. But this way, you can use this connection in the future. For instance, someone working at Microsoft might be willing to refer you to their HR department, even if you’ve only met once.
As you grow more confident, consider reaching out directly to individuals on LinkedIn who interest you, and propose a call. This proactive approach can provide you with great insights into a company you’re eager to join or a technology that fascinates you.
By using this approach, I connected with someone whose YouTube courses taught me Deep Learning years ago. Our dialogue was somewhat life-changing.
But the most important piece of advice I can offer you is this: just show up. It will inevitably boost your skills in the art of communication.
“Should I Do It?”
Yes. Without a doubt. 100%.
This skill will benefit every area of your life, and it only requires an hour a week. Many large companies and communities offer this activity. So, why not join?